In reading several posts lately, I have seen the struggle of young families that have weathered the time of deployment only to find that the time has been extended. Now their parent will not be coming home on the long awaited day. It has made me rethink, and adjust a bit, some of the things that a parent can do while preparing a child for deployment. When a parent is preparing to deploy, the child needs to hear the truth, talk, be allowed to ask questions, to cry, or be angry, but, quickly upon the heels of that needs to be

” how will we cope with this together?” and ” a military family is resilient” (we bounce back!)

Try ro resist the common psycobabble of focusing on the child’s fears and feelings. They are looking to you to see if this is going to be alright, if they will survive this new life hurdle. You, as a parent will set the tone for how the child accepts deployment. Not that you ignore the fears and feelings, just don’t dwell there and indulge the child in that place.

In an earlier post I mentioned a paper chain that can be symbolic of each week a parent is gone. I am now thinking that the chain, and the weekly note to their daddy , is still good,  I would not let them believe that the last link of the chain will bring him dancing through the door.

Be honest with children. You can say ;”we are making a chain , it is about how long daddy will be gone, but we really do not know for sure how long the  (army, navy marines,air force, ) will need him”. Teach children that there are some things that can be promises, like ” I promise to love you everyday”;,” I promise to write to you while I am gone “(not everyday, you won’t be able to do that) .” I promise that I will pray for you, will you pray for me?” These are promises you can keep, and that is how your child learns to trust you. Whatever you say “I promise” to (and there should not be very many things) you need to carry out.

When a child says, “promise you will not die”, that is not a promise any of us can keep. At war or at home we have no control over that one. You can tell a child ” well, I will be careful and do everything I can to be safe” Please  do it!

Focus on the sacrifice you all make as a military family, the honor in serving our nation, the fact that important things cannot always come to an end, until they come to an end. Focus on the purpose of being a military family and give the children meaningful work to help out. Even very young children can fold a towel, dust a table or feed the cat, tell them that it makes it easier when the other parent is gone when they do these things. Let them feel proud of a real contribution .

Talk about the word promise, and remind a child, you cannot promise what day you will return home, but you can promise to love him every day. You can promise that they will not be forgotten by you. You can be real in that , there may be days you plan to call, but things can get busy and you may have to wait. Tell them, that if they have to wait, it is not becasue they are not important, but becasue they are, and you are defending the things they enjoy in living in America. Acknowledge that it is not easy to be a military kid, but you are proud of them, and they really do serve too!

If you have already made a promise that has been broken by circumstances beyond your control, just tell them that a promise is different from a hope. It was a hope that you would be home, but now you are sorry, and need to finish this important job. If you are honest, and reassure them of your love and commitment to them, they will learn valuable lessons about what can be promised and what can not. It will begin to teach them that they can bounce back again and again!

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I have to let you all know about a great resource for personalized things for military kids. Paula and I had been asked many times about doing a book fro military moms, but we found such a great resource that we don’t need to. My Mommy wears Combat Boots is the perfect book for the little ones who have a military Mommy. The book is sweet and speaks to the many emotions that children have as a parent deploys.

Sharon also offers on her website personalized calenders, stationary, postcards and her keepsake books that are the right size to be carried by a toddler, or in the zip pocket of a school age child’s backpack. You can see that she has made these for my son and grandchildren.

I have to say that I love the stationary and post cards! It is a special gift for a parent to know that not only will their little one get the letter from them, but a picture as well, keeping the parents face always there.

All you have to do is contact Sharon, download your favorite photos and get back products that will help your child during deployment. Military kids will love it!

To see all that Sharon offers, you can get on her website right from weservetoo.com and click on My Mommy Wears Combat boots on the right bar. Great stuff Sharon!

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Lately I have been thinking of veterans we have met on our journey of authoring a children’s deployment book. We have met Vietnam vets, Korean vets, and then some from the current theatre of battle. I must admit to my awe of such people. Those who stand between evil and the rest of us, so we can live in this great country of ours. I wrote this blog several months back, in a different venue, but want to share it again:

The other day I was standing in a long line at the local post office with an armful of books to send out as promotion. A young man about my oldest sons age and I struck up a conversation after he mentioned he was picking up a package he had sent to himself from Afghanistan. We talked about his previous tour in Iraq, at the same post my son served at. He mentioned he had survived an IED and had lost some hearing in one ear. I told him I was grateful the rest of him was home and safe!

The next thing he said will stay with me a long time, because I think it is the way our soldiers out there see things. He said, “well, that’s all that really happened”" like it was a skinned knee, or other inconsequential event.

Later the conversation turned to his wife and little girl, who he was obviously proud of. I told him I was mailing out a child’s deployment book and that I had hopes that it would be a comfort and help to military children and their parents. I waved him ahead of me in line, thanking him for his service after getting his name and address to deliver a free book. As he left, he kissed me on the cheek and said “thank you Maam. Wow, what an honor!

That was the story I originally wrote, and as time has passed we have been blessed to meet so many people who inspire and fuel our journey in getting books out to children of military families. We could never thank them all, there are too many, and if I named a few I would never be able to express what they have ment to us.

There are wonderful people out there, military families, civilians, groups and organizations who share a heart for the sacrifices made on our behalf by those who serve us. Parents, spouses, children who remain at home waiting for the return of a loved one gone many days. The service member who spends difficult times away from friends and family to do a job that is both difficult and at times thankless. So, that is really what this blog is about, thank you. Thank you to all of you. We can never express our gratitude for the way you serve this country. Honor comes at the post office line… and in selling books for children.

We are honored to know you.

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