This is about a project I showed to some parents at Ft. Carson this past weekend. I call it the Homecoming Box. The idea is to get a good sized box, maybe a covered one, or one you create with the kids, just as long as it looks special. The one I used has red, white and blue theme on it. Over the time of deployment, say a year, you will collect tangible symbols of important events, thoughts, stories, that you would like to share with the deployed parent.

When the parent returns (thus the name homecoming box) you can take one symbol out of the box at dinnertime, and tell the stories that go with it.

The purpose of the Homecoming box is multiple. One, the deployed parent knows you are collecting memories on their behalf, they will not miss out on everything. Secondly, the spouse and children have an ongoing project that causes them to think about their loved one in every situation…”What can we put in the box to help Dad know what this day was like?” Another benefit is that when a child wants dad there, and is not consoled by words, the search for the best possible symbol for the box allows the child to actively do something to preserve the memory.

For example when the child loses a tooth, you can do the tooth fairy thing, but ask the tooth fairy to leave the tooth. The tooth goes into the Homecoming Box. Later when the tooth is brought forth, not only can the child express to the parent, that he has lost his tooth, but the parent can participate in this little milestone, by a repeat tooth fairy visit!

The box will be unique to your family, here are a few more ideas:small symbolic items like a little wooden canoe, for a trip to the lake,the bracelet from the hospital that was on your newborns wrist, the ribbon from field day, a photo of the prize winning artwork, or the paper with a good grade from school. Birthday candles from the cake, or a favor that tells the theme, the binky the 3 year old gave up while the parent was away, a note that tells a cute thing a child said, a photo of a special day, a toy that reminds the child of a story he wanted dad to read him when he got home….you get the idea…
The question to your child when he/she is missing daddy, “what can we put in the box to let him know how you feel?”, maybe its a small paper heart, a drawing of what the child is missing, a note. You will think of many things we can’t even imagine, some things become a family joke, or an “inside story”, that is what you are aiming for. Kids participate as you ask, what can we put in our homecoming box? They will have their own good ideas!

These boxes can fill some space, bring a moment back that seemed lost because of deployment. It does not have to be gone, if you choose to capture a bit of it to share.

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Deployment is a time of stress and change for the entire family, but especially so for the youngest members. Young children depend on family routines for a sense of security and safety, and much of that is hinged on the emotional solidity of the caregivers in their life. Though we often do not see it as such, times of difficulty are opportunities for growth in ourselves and our children: A time to learn coping skills, test our creative gifts, deepen our faith, delegate things to others, reach out to others, and experience the truth that even when circumstances are difficult, life can still be satisfying.

Let’s get real, deployment is a hardship. No one looks forward to having a spouse gone for long months at a time. On the other hand, you can look at the larger purpose with pride and honor. Your family defends this nation. Your family cares for the rights of human beings all over the globe. It is you who allow the rest of us to sleep soundly at night, protected under our flag. Without your sacrifices of time we would not enjoy the security of living in the greatest country in the world! Your children need to feel this pride and honor. They need to be told the stories of this country and how the military functions. If you are proud of being a military family, that sense of purpose will be a source of strength for your child.

It is important to maintain your routines and traditions and be creative in ways to include your deployed family member in those routines. If kissing Daddy goodnight is a routine, then a picture of him by the bedside along with a prayer for him, keeps him present as the last moments of the day. We Serve Too!, as a regular bedtime story can bring up questions and discussion that can help a child express loneliness and fears. Keeping routines in the military is not easy. Nothing is ever for sure and no one in the family can count on exact dates or even where one will be at any given time. This can be an exciting or frustrating part of military life. Choosing a few doable routines are one thing you can do that will pay big dividend for your kids.

A bedtime routine is an important one. Do the same things to prepare a child for bed… and he might actually go there! A fairly consistent time for bath, stories, a prayer, maybe a song, sung by a parent or a slow and gentle CD. Don’t worry about it being the same, that’s the idea, boring, or familiar, fosters sleep. Before deployment parents can pray a prayer together with the child. During deployment that can be continued…a connection over the miles. A story, a poem, a song or combinations of these can create a wonderful and solid sense of security at the end of the day.

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One of my favorite places here in northern Colorado, is the Masters Gallery in Loveland. Run by our friend Linda King, there you can relax in the sculpture gardens,or stand in awe of art that speaks of the creative, and of The Creator. Linda is one of those people who knows you as a friend after the first ten minutes. Paula and I had brought our book, We Serve Too! A Child’s Deployment Book, for Linda to see for the first time.

As we browsed the rooms of art , Linda brought over three people that she had already shown the book to. Turns out, the two men, Cliff and Bill were veterans of the Korean War. At nineteen they had made the journey to a foreign land and met each other there. All these years later, these good friends were standing with us as the rain fell continually outside. We were treated to a place of honor by hearing their story. The third person in this little group was MayMarie, Bills wife of 50 years, to the very day!

Bill, a pastor, mentioned that he went to Korea at 195 pounds and left at 160 lbs due to the rations being frozen solid. They said they ate a lot of tootsie rolls, one thing they had from home you could still chew when frozen! Bill said they had been reserves, and considered only one step above the north Koreans by the active duty members! He also mentioned that it was hard being in the reserves because he did not feel prepared for war, he had a regular job until he was called up.

Cliff expressed that he was concerned for children now. Patriotism is no longer being taught and that children will not even know what they are losing. He was glad to see a book that could teach some of what is missing. When Bill, this strong man, told us the book made him cry, we had to send them each home with one. The hugs all around were a genuine expression of gratitude.There is always a sense of honor felt when we meet veterans who have served our country. These men are the defenders of a nation, and after all these years, it is still a big part of who they are.

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I came upon this article and wanted to share it because it is something any family could do, and can be a personal project that can include the whole family. Before deployment (or anytime during) choose pictures with your child and make a book resilient enough for a toddler, precious for any age. This article is edited ,so if you want to read the whole thing(and it is worth the read) you can go to: http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2007/oct/11/books-of-love/

Sergeant’s picture books a reminder during deployment

By Rose Cox
Anchorage Daily News
Thursday, October 11, 2007

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Sharon McBride figures she has missed exactly half of her 3-year-old daughter’s short life.

Absences during Lyssa’s first year lasted a week or two, even six after Hurricane Katrina.

Photos by Marc Lester / Anchorage Daily News

Sharon McBride, formerly an Army sergeant, looks through a scrapbook she made with her daughter Lyssa, 3, before she was deployed to Kuwait.

Sharon McBride’s book will remind her daughter Lyssa of her love while she is on Army deployment.

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Petty Officer 2nd Class Adam F. Kenney

Petty Officer 2nd Class Adam F. Kinney, a Navy Corpsman with Company E, 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, Regimental Combat Team 1, gives an Iraqi Child a shot during a routine patrol. Kinney is assigned to Echo Co. for their seven-month deployment and will return to his parent command, 4th Tank Battalion in Fort Knox, Ky., upon his arrival.

These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero.
We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived

This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

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As I placed our flag outside the front door this cool late spring morning, I notice the card that has been part of it since the day we got it. This flag has been with us for about 5 years. Before that, it flew in a field of 3000 flags commemorating the attacks of 9/11 and our country’s  collective sorrow.

Like anything we see over and over, I barely notice this card now. On one side it has the name of a victim of those attacks, Joseph W. Flounders, age 46 who died in the World Trade Center. On the other side, a schoolchild has written his message to Joseph. As a former teacher my guess as to the age of the child is about 8 or therabouts. In case you have a hard time reading it, it says ;”You have died for no reason by terrorism, God bless you and your family” it is simply signed ;” Jarod”.

This flag  flew for a year with a yellow ribbon tied to the top of it, as our son spent a year in Iraq, and one joyful day, he himself removed it. Soon, the yellow ribbon will once again be placed there, and each morning my mothers heart will pay more attention to the details of that flag and it’s meaning for another year.

I could not be more proud of our son. For the reasons he chose to become a soldier.

Little Jarrod is right. I do not know Mr. Flounders, who he was, who loved him.  The part Jarrod got right is that he died for no reason. Terrorism is just that, a darkness that has no purpose but to instill fear and bring death. Those who practice it have no understanding of what our military men and women stand for under our flag. Things like honor, duty, protection of those weaker, upholding what is right, and bringing light into darkness. God uses you to lift oppression, as He sets the captives free.  God bless each one of you who have chosen this way.

Our flag stands outside our door. It speaks of beauty, and heartache. It makes me think that if all those who think they are wise in their belief, that we do not need to fight against evil,  maybe you could talk to Jarod. He probably has something to teach you.

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